The Itchy Soul: Chapter 1

WHEN I ARRIVED HOME to find the whole house in pitch darkness I knew what was about to happen. Of course the random errand on the other side of the village had been a complete waste of time. Mrs Peters was as pleased to see me as ever, but it could have waited until after the weekend. With one last glance in the rear view mirror to check my face was on straight, I plastered on a smile and gently pushed open the front door. Silence. They’d all be out the back on the patio. As I walked into our open plan kitchen/diner that led out to the patio, the room was suddenly awash with light and a sea of faces appeared in front of me.

“Surprise!”

“Happy Birthday!”

Lots of cheers and hugs were followed by a glass of something cold and wet being pressed into my hand. That was my cue to act shocked.

“No way! You guys! I had no idea!”

I caught Pete’s eye and he gave me a knowing smile. There was no fooling my man, he knew me too well, but I could tell that he was glad I was playing along. I searched the sea of faces for Bella and Jack and, having spotted my daughter, headed across the room towards her. I smiled and nodded in acknowledgement of the birthday wishes as I went.

“The big four-oh eh April. How do you feel?”

“Ah, it’s only a number Gareth.”

I hid my grimace and kept my eyes focussed on my first born as I continued to weave in and out between the party goers. When I eventually made it to her side, my daughter stopped her conversation mid-sentence and threw her arms around my neck.

“Happy birthday Mum!” She planted a sloppy kiss on my cheek.

“Aww, thanks. And thanks for organising this.”

“Ha! As if you didn’t know. Thanks for pretending though.”

“Any time love. Have you seen your brother?” I looked around but couldn’t see Jack anywhere.

“He’s probably out the back with Auntie Judith. He was trying to teach her how to use Snapchat.”

I shuddered. “Poor kid. I’ll go rescue him. See you in a bit.”

Leaving Bella with her friends, I went in search of my friend and my son. Judith was only an honorary aunt but I’d known her even longer than I had Pete. We went way back, so when first Bella and then Jack had come along, it was only right and proper that Judith should be both godmother and aunt. We didn’t see each other as much as we should these days, life seemed to get in the way, but she could always be relied upon when it was time for a party.

As Bella had predicted, Jack and Judith had their heads together over Judith’s phone. She looked thoroughly confused and Jack, when he glanced up to see me headed towards them, looked relieved. He nudged Judith who leapt in my direction, smiling.

“Happy birthday old girl!” Judith hugged me.

“Oi! Less of the old thank you very much. Couple of months and it’ll be your turn.” I turned to my son, gesturing to the balloons plastered around the room, each of them screaming ’40 Today!’ in bold print. “Was this your doing?”

“It was a joint effort. You like?”

“It’s great. Thank you. What I’d really like now though is another drink. How about you Judith?”

“Yes please!”

Recognising that I’d given him just the excuse he needed to beat a hasty retreat, Jack headed back to the kitchen in search of a couple of glasses of wine. I turned to Judith.

“You know this is a nightmare, right?”

Judith smiled at me brightly. “Of course. But it had to be done. Couldn’t have you moping and complaining your way into a new decade.”

“I don’t mope and complain.”

“Sure you do. No more than the rest of us I suppose, but, well, you know what you’re like.”

I did know what I was like but I felt totally justified. “But you don’t understand what it’s like Judith. Forty. Four-oh. My life is officially half over!”

“Don’t be so ridiculous! Besides, who says?”

“Everyone!”

I could feel the frustration welling up inside me again. It was easy for Judith. She had it all. The family. The house. The perfect husband. What did she know about the boring monotony that it was to be me? There were days when waking up in this village made me want to scream.

“I just thought that by the time I’d got to forty, life would be a bit more, I dunno, sorted? You know? Do you ever wake up, look around you and wonder, is this it?!?”

“Yeah, all the time, but you only get one go at life. Got to make the most of it.”

“But that’s exactly what I mean. Am I making the most of it? I don’t think so! This really wasn’t what I had in mind when I told my careers advisor that I wanted to be a writer.”

I didn’t want to say this to Judith but what I’d imagined was something a bit more Barbara Cartland, lounging around dictating a few thousand words each day while I sat sipping wine and eating chocolate. Now that was the kind of writing I could enjoy. The reality was a lot less fun. I knew I should be thankful that I at least had a job vaguely related to my chosen career, but writing book reviews and recipes for bored Christian housewives wasn’t exactly what I’d planned and I could see no end in sight.

“I’m just so bored!” I knew I was whining but it was my party and I was going to cry if I wanted to!

“So what are you going to do about it?” Judith’s voice had a challenging edge to it that I hadn’t heard in a long time.

“What can I do?” I looked around at our spacious home. “The kids love it here. All their friends are here. It’s all they’ve known. Besides, we’re mortgaged to the hilt so it’s not like I can quit.”

“Have you tried praying about it?”

“Oh please.” I couldn’t tell if Judith was joking or not.

“Don’t look at me like that. I’m serious.”

“When did you get so holy?”

“Says she, the staff writer for the Christian magazine. I thought praying about stuff like this would be right up your alley.”

“It’s just a job Judith.”

“Hmmm, well maybe it’s time for it to stop being ‘just a job’?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I could feel tears pricking at my eyes. Damn it! She wasn’t allowed to make me cry, especially not today on my birthday.

Without waiting for an answer I wiped my eyes, turned and headed back in the direction of the kitchen, a smile plastered firmly in place. “Come on. Let’s get some wine.”