The Itchy Soul: Chapter 4
I SHRUGGED HIS HANDS AWAY. “Why do you have to be so spineless?!?”
“What? But I thought you …”
“What man in his right mind would agree to some crazy hair brained scheme like this? To allow his wife to travel on her own, hundreds of miles? What’s wrong with you?!?”
I could hear the venom in my voice and I knew I was being unfair but I didn’t care. I wanted him to fight for me, to beg me to stay, to give me someone to butt up against. But he couldn’t even do that.
Pete sighed. “What do you want me to say?”
“Honestly? I just want you to care, even if it’s only a little bit. To stop being so bloody agreeable all the time!”
“But that’s who I am, that’s how we work. If I offered an opinion about every little thing we’d spend all our time fighting.”
I hesitated. Was that true? “Do you really just go along with it all for a quiet time?”
Pete shrugged. “Sometimes.” He paused, considering whether to say more but then something changed in his face and he closed down.
“What?” I waited, mentally willing him to open up, to tell me what he really thought but he just shook his head and sighed again.
“Nothing.”
“Please?”
He shook his head and I felt the anger well up in me. “You’re pathetic!”
I stormed out of the kitchen and ran up the stairs to our bedroom. If he couldn’t even be bothered to fight for me, what was the point? I pulled our ancient suitcase from under the bed and started throwing clothes into it. I knew I was acting like a crazy thing but I just couldn’t see an alternative. I needed Pete to need me, to want me but instead he just proved what I already knew: I was merely existing. Getting away from the monotony was going to be brilliant for me. Maybe I actually could be happy in this new place. The screen on my phone caught my attention as it lit up with a text message. Jane.
They bought it! My office, tomorrow morning. J
My heart leapt. It was really happening. I could hardly believe it. I still had more questions than answers. Like, what about the kids? And could Pete really cope? But screw it! This was my time, my opportunity. They’d just have to manage without me for a little while. Who knew, maybe it might make them actually start appreciating me for once. I took a look at what I’d put in the suitcase and sighed. There was no way I could travel hundreds of miles with my sad excuse for a wardrobe. It was time to go shopping. I zipped the suitcase closed, leaving it on the floor by the side of the bed. I took the stairs two at a time, pausing to call out to Pete as I closed the front door behind me. I had to get out of the house!
“Going to the shops.”
I glanced in the rearview mirror as I pulled away in the car and saw Pete, standing at the kitchen window looking broken. For the briefest of seconds I almost felt sorry for him but I swiftly squashed that thought. I had a job to do and it was time to start looking out for myself for once.
After trawling up and down the carpark three times I was starting to wonder if the shopping trip was ill-fated. The place was packed! Believing that I had to find a space soon if I just remained calm and patient I indicated left and tried one more loop around before admitting defeat and leaving the car in the overflow carpark instead. As I huffed my way up the hill towards the shops I mentally went over all the things I needed to buy. I usually loved shopping but today my heart just wasn’t in it. I kept replaying the conversation with Pete over in my mind. I knew I was being a bit unfair but I couldn’t shake the feeling that there had to be more to this grownup thing than this. I was forty now for goodness sake. When was it going to be my turn to get the happy ending?
I turned the corner, still thinking about the meaning of life and walked straight into the back of a tall blonde woman. Ouch! She had something pointy in her handbag which dug sharply into my ribs. She whipped round and glared at me.
“Look where you’d bloody going!” When she saw it was me her face softened. “April!”
“Judith! Sorry, I didn’t even see you. I was just …”
“Are you okay?” She touched my arm and I saw concern in her eyes.
I nodded and forced a smile. “Yep, just getting a few bits and bobs for my trip.” She looked confused and I remembered that I hadn’t yet told her about France. “I took your advice. I’m off on an adventure!”
“Really? Wow!” She looked impressed. “Listen, I need to run a couple of errands but do you fancy grabbing a coffee in a bit? You can tell me all about it.”
Suddenly I didn’t want to be shopping alone anymore. I didn’t really need much anyway, it had just been an excuse to get out of the house. “I’ll come with you if you like? I’m just about done here anyway.”
Judith glanced at my empty hands. “Done? You sure?” She smiled.
“Window shopping,” I explained with a shrug. “Where are you off to?”
“Oh I just need a couple of bits from Boots.” A look flashed across her face. “But it can wait. Come on, let’s get that coffee.”
I followed her towards Costa. “The look on your face! If this were some dodgy romantic comedy I’d have thought you were after a pregnancy test or something.”
“Ha! Nope, just some haemorrhoid cream.” “Ewwww! Too much information!”
“Well I did try and spare you, but you asked.”
I couldn’t argue with that and gave my friend a hug. “I’m so glad I ran into you. Literally. My ribs are still aching!”
“Awww, sorry. Must have caught you with my bag.” She pulled her handbag towards her a little.
“What you got in there anyway? Rocks?” Her bag looked really heavy.
“Just some change I found knocking around. I was going to pay it into the bank on my way home. But first, coffee!” She led me towards the counter. “What are you going to have?”
“Flat white please.”
When we were settled with our drinks I took a deep breath and got ready to tell all. I just hoped Judith would understand and wouldn’t try and persuade me not to go.