The last one for now?

Reminder: instead of a neat monologue, this is the whole conversation, typed word for word directly from my notebook. Let's see where we go from here ...

Where did the rest of January go? How is it that time seems to go so quickly? And what are you saying? Is there something you’re inviting me to know or explore?

Time is a relative construct.

I hear that but I don’t really know what it means! It sounds like something clever people say.

From my perspective, time is largely irrelevant. Its only relevance comes from your relationship with it. Time stresses you out or leaves you feeling less than and that, in turn, gets my attention because I’m interested in all things pertaining to you.

But I don’t fret the speed of the passing of time like you do because I have all the time in the world. Nothing is ever lost to me because of time, but you don’t have that luxury, so what are you going to do about it?

I don’t really know. What would you like me to do about it? Is this an invitation for more structure? Maybe a list of things to do each morning so that I don’t miss anything?

What’s your obsession with lists?

I think they help keep me accountable, bring structure to my day, and order to an otherwise scattered mind.

Your mind isn’t scattered, it simply moves fast. “Fast” is not the same as “scattered” and never forget that I made you, all of you, including your mind. You are beautifully made, all of you, including your mind.

I’m just feeling regretful because although we’ve of course chatted over the last few days, it’s been light and practical things.

Practical things, yes. If by “light” you mean “fun” or “frivolous” then maybe, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But don’t forget the nudges, you had lots of those too, and I was in all of them. There’s no need for regret.

You have to recognise and let me help you get comfortable with the idea of us doing life together in a way that is different to what it was when you were self-employed.

You tell people that you weren’t looking for a job and that you truly believe it was all me. If that’s true then you also have to realise that the challenges you might encounter as a result of the differences in your day to day life and routine are of me too.

And since I saw and knew that this is where we would be headed, is it too much of a stretch for you to believe that I might also be able to prepare a path for us to do life together, even if it looks different to previously?

When we started journalling again, I thought we’d be doing it daily. I know the shared version of these conversations included a note about the frequency being irregular but I didn’t actually think that that would be the case. I honestly thought we’d find a way to journal together and publish those conversations every day, just like we used to before.

You set yourself up to fail then because I never said we’d be journalling daily, did I? And even right now, you’re thinking about what you can change or tweak to make it daily but what if that’s not my best for you?

How can spending time together each day not be your best?

I said nothing about not spending time together. I’m with you all the time in all of the things you do and in every single action you take. You don’t need to journal to spend time with me. There are so many different ways that we do life together, this is just one of them.

Instead of trying to go back to how things were in a different season, why don’t you instead let us do life together in this one, without attaching conditions and rules around what that looks like?

Explore with me all of the different ways we can do life together, including journalling of course. But if you make journalling the ultimate or ideal way for us to do life together, you’ll miss out on many wonderful opportunities.

You asked me for my best for you. Doing life together, all of life, is my best for you, even when that looks messy, unstructured or very practical.

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You’ve been reading the next (last for now?) in a series of conversations. My intention is to keep journalling and sharing until I get a nudge to stop. I can’t promise a frequency and this is real life so I anticipate it might get messy. If either of those things bother you, feel free to click the “unsubscribe” button. I know this won’t be for everyone and so I won’t be the least bit offended.

That said, if you enjoy these conversations and know someone who would benefit from them, please share this email from them and/or suggest they follow along with the journey by subscribing.

In the meantime, thank you for reading and I look forward to sharing with you again soon!

Love El xox