The one with the metaphorical bonfire

Reminder: instead of a neat monologue, this is the whole conversation, typed word for word directly from my notebook. Let's see where we go from here ...

I’m sorry I’ve not sat and journaled with you until now. I few times I felt a bit of a niggle to do so but then something got in the way.

You read a book instead a few times and other times we were chatting without you writing anything down. Just because we’ve started this time intentionally again doesn’t mean it must be daily.

Doing something because you feel you should is making a religion out of something that’s simply about deepening relationship. Don’t do that! Religion is not my best for you. Relationship, not religion.

And I know that your commitment to sharing these conversations means something but you never promised a specific frequency so stop overthinking it and let’s just go with my flow, okay?

Sounds good, thank you. What about the words that were shared earlier about clearing out the things that are holding me back or getting in the way of our relationship?

I think I know what I heard in my spirit when that was shared but is that actually important to you?

Anything that comes between us is important to me and you believe it’s an issue for you, you see it as symptomatic of something bigger and, as a result, you’ve given it power that it was never meant to have. Plus, it’s not particularly good for you so why not throw it on the metaphorical bonfire?

So if I’m understanding you correctly, it’s not that it’s put a distance between us or that it stops us doing life together but because I believe it’s symptomatic of a problem, it is. Is that right?

Exactly! You believe it is an exterior symptom of internal struggles. In reality, stuff is just stuff but because of the meaning you’ve associated with it, it’s become an issue for you.

It’s a bit like the food offered to other gods that Paul wrote about. The other gods or idols don’t exist and, as such, he could enjoy the food with a clear conscience but when that enjoying got in the way of other people walking in relationship with me because of the meaning they assigned to it, then it became an issue.

Whatever you eat or drink, or don’t eat or don’t drink, do all of it with me. With me is the key in all this.

So put your stuff on the bonfire or don’t put it on the bonfire, but whether you do or you don’t, do life with me.

Can we explore the specifics of the things I’m putting on the bonfire please?

Yes, anything that you turn to for “zoning out” or quieting your emotions in some way needs to go.

So for example, the other day when you were feeling cold and a bit bored and all you wanted to do was drink coffee and eat sweet things, what was going on when you just wanted to eat and eat?

I’m not really sure but it was a bit like cocooning myself I think. It was a bit pointless really and it didn’t really even taste that good. It was just something about the texture and feeling full and the sweetness.

And that’s not really a problem for me, other than because you believe it to be an issue.

So you’re saying that if I change my beliefs about cake, for example, I can eat it as much as my heart desires and that wouldn’t be a problem for you?

In theory yes, but in practice, it’s not that simple because you are the sum of the things that have come before.

And so, for example, you know how lethargic and bloated it leaves you feeling. You also know your skin is better when you’re eating less processed sugar and you overall feel better in yourself. You can’t easily un-know something like that!

And you also know you have an issue with describing cake as your “heart’s desire” because you want me to hold that position and again, when you know, you can’t un-know.

And so whilst the processed sugar isn’t really an issue in and of itself and there are lots of people who can enjoy it quite happily, that’s not your story and you need to honour that in order to feel whole.

Just to be clear … I never see you as “less than”, I only look at you with love, but I’m content to meet you where you are and if you believe processed sugar is an issue for you, I will help you chuck it on the bonfire.

What does that look like?

It goes back to what I said earlier … with me is key. Stop trying to will power the processed sugar onto the bonfire. Instead, give it to me, give all things to me, and let’s do it, all of it and no matter what “it” looks like, together.

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You’ve been reading the next in a series of conversations. My intention is to keep journalling and sharing until I get a nudge to stop. I can’t promise a frequency and this is real life so I anticipate it might get messy. If either of those things bother you, feel free to click the “unsubscribe” button. I know this won’t be for everyone and so I won’t be the least bit offended.

That said, if you enjoy these conversations and know someone who would benefit from them, please share this email from them and/or suggest they follow along with the journey by subscribing.

In the meantime, thank you for reading and I look forward to sharing with you again soon!

Love El xox