The one with the "what if?"

Reminder: instead of a neat monologue, this is the whole conversation, typed word for word directly from my notebook. Let's see where we go from here ...

Thank you for waking me so gently and easily before my alarm. It’s funny but when I suggested that as I was going off to sleep, I didn’t really anticipate you taking me at my word.

Why wouldn’t I? You asked me to wake you early if I wanted to spend time with you. Saying something like that is a dangerous prayer if you want to sleep through your alarm! And besides, I see your heart. I knew your intentions and that your words matched your heart.

Now all we need is for the dog to go back to sleep for a bit longer and this scenario will be perfect!

It is already done. Listen …

Wow! You’re good. Remember all those years ago when the children were little and I tried getting up at 5am to pray but I’d either fall asleep or wake one of them up?

Of course.

Would it have been different if I’d asked something similar then? Because that would have made things a lot easier!

That sounds like a “what if” and I’m not interested in what ifs. I’m in the right now, this moment. What I will say though is that again, I knew your heart and where we were at. It wasn’t even on your radar back then to have this kind of conversation with me.

And besides, you were doing the 5am wakeups out of a sense of duty or performance. That’s not something I can entertain.

Fair enough. I can’t help but wonder about all the opportunities I missed out on or things I made more difficult because I didn’t explore them with you.

That sounds like another “what if” in disguise. We’re not going there. You are who you are today and where you are today because of everything that’s gone before.

Whether things were more difficult or not is largely irrelevant, all things work together for your good when placed in my hands so if you want to do anything with the what ifs, give them to me and behold what I can do.

The dog’s started barking again. It feels like I might have to get her up.

Give her a moment to settle and when she doesn’t, get her up and give her a fuss. I’m in that moment too. Where else would I go?

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You’ve been reading the next in a series of conversations. My intention is to keep journalling and sharing until I get a nudge to stop. I can’t promise a frequency and this is real life so I anticipate it might get messy. If either of those things bother you, feel free to click the “unsubscribe” button. I know this won’t be for everyone and so I won’t be the least bit offended.

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In the meantime, thank you for reading and I look forward to sharing with you again soon!

Love El xox