This conversation is an invitation

Welcome to something a little bit different. Instead of a polished "love note", this is the whole conversation, typed word for word directly from my notebook. Let's see where we go from here ...

What are you saying? Are we really doing this again? Like, I love the idea of it on one hand because you shared so many helpful, uplifting things and yet, sometimes I felt mindful of the audience and I don’t want this to be a performance. I want this for me and for the people connected to and invested in me doing life well.

But what if this is about more than just you? I love you and yes, I really believe it’s good for us to have this intentional time and this isn’t just about what you need. When you allow yourself to be a part of my story in this way, you open up opportunities for other people.

I don’t need to do it this way of course, you might not be my first choice, but I want to move through this life with you. I’d love to have your “yes”. Not my first choice but my first yes. Can you live with that?

And yes, I saw this moment and knew we’d get here but that doesn’t make it any less sweet.

You’ve had quite the year, learnt so much, grown in ways you could never have anticipated, and now we’re right here, right now, in this moment. How do you feel about that?

Does it really matter how I feel? What do feelings have to do with it?

Feelings are clues, signposts, to give you a hint as you journey. And so if you find yourself feeling weary, for example, that’s useful information to notice. Tiredness is a natural, physical human condition when you need sleep but weariness? That’s something else and can point to a deeper issue at a heart level that we need to notice and explore.

Or those times when you’re full of excited anticipation? Those are great indicators that you’re stepping in an empowering direction. Yes, I know you personally get excited very easily, good noticing, but it’s still great to feel those feelings of anticipation and allow them to propel you forward.

And so I ask you again, how are you feeling?

Honestly?

Always. What else?

I’m getting tired but I’ve really enjoyed and appreciated this time together. I’m also feeling a nudge of an idea that I’m excited about.

Want to explore that now?

I’d like to put it out there and you can tell me what you think when the time is right … I’m thinking and wondering what it might look like to share these conversations.

Because before, the love notes were more like a monologue and whilst I was aware of the conversation we were having while I penned things, it was only ever the finished words that anyone read.

And that’s not really how you do life with people. Well, it’s certainly not my experience of how you do life with me. You don’t tend to land a monologue on me. We chit-chat and have questions back and forth.

So to share the whole conversation feels like a more genuine reflection, even if it won’t read as pretty.

Do you think people need “pretty”?

They might prefer it because it sounds more proper so maybe it’s easier to receive?

Okay, time to be honest again … do you prefer “pretty” monologues because they make you sound holier and more “sorted”? Because when we chat in your head, I sound a bit like you, don’t I?

I use expressions that are very firmly seated in the twenty-first century. I don’t sound like I do in the bible because in the bible I sound like whichever of my children I’m talking to, just like when I’m talking to you, I use your language.

Maybe that worries you when it comes to sharing this with anyone else? Maybe you think you’ll sound less “me” or maybe you worry that people will reject this as the writings of a crazy person?

You know that to some people, this whole conversation, the idea of it even, is total lunacy? Conversations in your head? Madness. But I know you’re not worried what those people think. You’re more concerned about being called a heretic or what people like your friends at church or your parents might think.

And the idea of sharing this whole conversation, including the references to people you care about, is scary to you because what if one of them reads this and rejects you? The monologues were safe and feel comfortable because people told you those words were helpful but sharing the actual conversation, pulling back the curtain and giving people a glimpse of what us doing life together actually looks like? Terrifying!

And yes, I know you’ll do it anyway because you know me well enough to know that I can use everything and anything, and in-between these words and what will seem like ramblings to some, there is something beautiful and real and raw.

This whole conversation is an invitation and whilst terrifying, that also excites you.

Well yes, I just hadn’t anticipated that this is what we’d be doing when I felt that niggle to journal with you again. And the logistics of how to present this is also on my mind because it’s one thing writing in a different pen in my journal but how do I do that electronically?

Don’t worry about that right now. That’s just tech stuff and you know that I know you’ll find a solution because that’s how I created you.

Focus on the invitation because we enjoy these conversations but you know there’s nothing special about you. Yes, you’re special to me and I created you for this moment, for such a time as this and that’s also true for every one of my children.

So our conversation is an invitation because, if you, why not also the person reading this?

And yes, I know you would love a nice, neat, succinct soundbite or profound sentence to finish this with but I’m more interested in conversation and relationship than neat soundbites.

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You’ve been reading the first in a series of conversations. My intention is to keep journalling and sharing until I get a nudge to stop. I can’t promise a frequency and this is real life so I anticipate it might get messy. If either of these things bother you, feel free to click the “unsubscribe” button. I know this won’t be for everyone and so I won’t be the least bit offended.

That said, if you enjoy these conversations and know someone who would benefit from them, please share this email from them and/or suggest they follow along with the journey by subscribing.

In the meantime, thank you for reading and I look forward to sharing with you again soon!

Love El xox