What if?

What do you do when you feel a thing tugging at you, refusing to let go? And you feel so unqualified to really have an answer, let alone the answer.

And so maybe you stumble forward, distracting yourself with other projects, procrastinating, until one day, maybe years and years later, that thing comes back.

It will not let you go.

And you thought that by now you’d feel better qualified to handle it but instead, you’ve just added to the list of reasons why there must surely, please God, be someone else who can do it.

But it will not let you go.

We read so much about legacy and worth and making a difference. The child prodigy and self-made millionaires leave us feeling like we’ve somehow missed our turn. We’re too late. All that’s left for us is more of the same old, same old.

“You’re doing ok. You’re a great mum. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself.”

And yet still it will not let you go.

A yearning. An ache. A thing, deep inside whispering into the very edges of your soul.

What if you were carefully and exactly put together, quirks and foibles and yearnings and all?

What if the whisper into your heart were God’s spirit talking to your spirit?

What if the ‘it’ that will not let you go were actually a ‘him’? Calling you forward. Holding you gently, even when it feels lonely and impossible?

What if God, in his infinite wisdom, doesn’t need anyone better qualified? What if he wants you, just as you are? To love on and whisper sweet nothings to?

What if it’s less about legacy and what you’ll leave behind when you’re gone, and more about being you, fully and wholly and completely you, in the here and now today?

And what if you just started, one foot in front of the other? Letting go of the ‘what ifs’ and the not knowing and just be?

What if?